Lohan Naked and who else may partake in some celebrity nudity

Last month, February 18 to be exact, Lindsey Lohan finally granted all of our wishes (all of us being Lohan fans and connoisseurs of porn) and posed nude. She did a tribute to Marilyn Monroe for New York Magazine and definitely delivered the goods in a tasteful manner.

This isn't really surprising. Lohan's star was fading just a bit and she was more known as a party girl as opposed to an entertainer. The easiest way to draw attention, either good or bad, is something involving nudity and/or blackmarket home porno movie with jaded ex. Lohan went the conventional route, a road recently paved by Halle Berry in Swordfish and then Monster's Ball. I have no idea why I was mildly shocked by these nudie pics because Lohan's last flick involved a stripper pole and I have seen enough upskirt and nipple slip shots to fill a whole folder in my fantasy file. I figure if I wait long enough I will finally get a full on sexual romp or video camera shot porno from Lohan. I am being optimistic and my fingers are crossed.

Anyhoo, I foresee Britney Spears going down the same road as Lohan, and Berry before her, and show some more skin to parlay some positive PR. I realize nudity can be viewed as a desperate plea for attention but in light of Spears recent antics a porno would be a positive endeavor. My main concern is that Spears gets back into shape before unleashing any extra curricular activities.

It seems that success usually dictates an actress' desire to bare it all on celluloid, there are exceptions but I am too lazy to do any research on the subject. This is an unfortunate side effect for Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Love Hewitt fans. Well, I should clarify that a lot of Hewitt's lack of nudity is based on morals and personal choices but she has been fairly successful. Johansson on the other hand has no need to drum up attention to her career and can prance around fully clothed and the nearest thing we'll get is the intro to Lost In Translation to salivate a pent up public.

Am I bitter of Scarlett's lack of scantily clad roles? Oh , heck yeah and I am also hella irked by Hewitt's moral stance or whatever reason she has given for being fully clothed. I have always maintained that you need to use any talent you may have to its fullest extent and to me the aforementioned pair are wasting a facet of their talent. That's such a bummer to think about and the world is a worse place.

Snuff Film

As I mentioned before I have some odd morbid curiosity towards viewing death. Now keep in mind my voyeurism is really odd since I have only seen three corpses in my life and they all involved a funeral and I am a essentially a candy ass when blood is involved, so I have no idea where this viewing tendency came from.

Anyhoo I have no idea why I am mentioning any of this. If anything this statement makes me seem like a wack job. But I do find it curious that there is a genre titled "Snuff Film" and yet there is no recorded instance of an actual snuff film available.

I realize there are many instances of people dying on celluloid (can you use the term celluloid when most things are filmed digitally?) and I am actually surprised that some psycho hasn't produced one and distributed through YouTube.

Would I watch a snuff film? Probably, but I avoided the Daniel Pearl execution flick but I really went out my way to see the Saddam Hussein execution. Curious, curious...

Where Is Ashlyn Gere? I May Have Found Her...

I am an Ashlyn Gere fan and it is widely known that Ashlyn Gere has been out of the public eye for quite some time. Her website and most respected news outlets indicated that she was leaving Las Vegas and heading to Texas and a career in real estate. Her website stated she was moving to Texas in November 2004.

"She has been married to producer/director Marshall Patton (Layne Parker). Gere is now a real estate sales agent in Texas. She has a website, which hasn’t been updated since she moved from Las Vegas". - YesButNoButYes.com

Ashlyn performed mainstream roles under the name Kimberly Patton and was born Kimberly Ashlyn McKamy but a search of the Texas Real Estate Commission's web site doesn't list a Ashlyn Gere, Kimberly McKamy, or Kimberly McKamy as an active or licensed real estate professional. There is a Kimberly Jo Patton but all indications allude to that this is not Ashlyn Gere due to the license expiring in 2006 and the middle name of "Jo".

It seems that Ashlyn didn't pursue a career in real estate or hadn't passed the state exam (on a side note I have taken the prep class and practice exams to become a licensed real estate agent and it is very difficult) but a search of "Marshall and Kim Patton" turned up this little nugget. I can not substantiate that Ashlyn Gere and her husband run a Molly Maid that services Midland and Odessa, Texas but there are many indications that point in that direction.

Augustus Gloop: The Tax Man

Most evenings I fall asleep while watching a movie. Last night was no different as I drifted off while watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, the original one from 1971. On the DVD there is the standard 'making of' featurette and within this particular one they interviewed all the stars of the movie and I was intrigued by Augustus Gloop.

Michael Bollner played Gloop in the psychedelic kids movie and per the featurette he spoked barely any English (which is apparent in the movie because he says like 5 lines). What I found interesting about Gloop is the fact that he matured from the movie character into what I'd assume the adult version would look like. It's kinda freaky how art imitates life in this instance. Of course he doesn't seem to be some kind of food glutton in reality but is actually a Tax Man in his native Germany.

All in all I shouldn't be surprised that Gloop maintained the same style throughout his life and is now the adult version of a fictitious movie character because Veruca Salt seems to have evolved into an older version of her once bratty self. It's probably the lollipop that is creating the illusion of similarity or I am still buzzed from all the Vicodin, either way there she is.

Charlie Bucket (Pete Ostrum) emulated Bobby Brady and grew some facial hair to distance himself from his former role. Bobby Brady is the one in the mug shot and actually they look hella alike. creepy...

Hot water

I am quite irked; there is no hot water and because of this I can't take a shower. I'm a wuss and I need warmth when cleaning myself.

I'm a Sick Bastard

I am a sick bastard. I have spent the better part of the day reading Find A Death.com . FindADeath.com takes celebrities and gives brief biographical info and then goes into great detail about their demise. The great detail includes photos of their homes, grave sites, occasional autopsy and anything else. I feel really bad skimming the site but damn it is a guilty pleasure.

Also they have a link to The Death Clock. It seems I will kick the buck on October 22, 2036. Which gives me approximately 903,770 seconds left to live. With that type of insider info I believe it is time to look into life insurance and to take out many loans that come due on October 23, 2036. Shazam! NowI can finally get that Lamborghini Diablo I always wanted but I wonder if Bank of America will grant me a loan that doesn't come due for 28 years?