Phoenix Fun

Once again I forgot I had this blog. I mentioned this back in October when I did a brief recap of what, if I had my readers, may have missed from their favorite, Rosco Finger. Anywho, like I mentioned in my last entry I have a son on the way and he will likely be born in June in lovely Phoenix. Actually Phoenix's climate proves that there is Hell on Earth because temperature soar past 110 degrees and without the advent of air conditiong man would have little chance of surving in this desert of depravity.

Whenver they mention going green, the polar ice caps melting and all of the other prat falls of global warming, in reality global climate change (it snowed at my wedding in the frozen tundra of Las Vegas)i feel that the cities of Phoenix and Las Vegas should be held accountable. Nine-months out of the year we can not survive without A/C and due to the general lay out of the city you have to take a car to work. The city (and when I say city I mean all of Phoenix and its outlining suburbs) has a less than stellar bus line and recently they adapted a light rail system. Am I part of this problem? Most definitely. I drive 76-miles round trip to the office, usually with the AC on, while talking on the phone. But if their was a bus available I would definitely take it and be happy as a clam to do so.

Also, "happy as a clam"makes no sense to me. Clams are usually harvested for food or pearls and live in can't really move. But quality of live is relative and hell, they could be content working to adorn someone neck. To each their own I guess.

But enough about my gripe about my home in Phoenix. After a few years you get used to the unbearable heat, conservative a$$holes that think Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his modern SS tactics are all Kool and The Gang. Celebrate fascism COME ON! (Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his methods make more sense when you find his middle name is Mussalin

These days I fins myself trying to buy a house during a a recession but The Man is less inclined to loan out scrilla.Ironically enough I work for Bank Of America, or at least one of the many companies they bought in the last few years, and I can't get enough funding together to buy one of the area's many foreclosed homes.

Rosco Update: I Forgot About I Had This Blog

Okay, I haven't contributed to this digital diatribe since May 1st, which is like five months and like 11 days, and there have been a few relevant Rosco changes (besides our kid Lohan coming out of the closet).

First off I moved back to Phoenix and decided to get married. That is the short version of it but essentially I headed back to the Valley on 4/20 and almost had a heart attack when I tripled my dosage of Adderall and decided to drive non-stop for 18-hours from northern California. I viewed the the excessive low grade speed as a necessarily evil because the drive is really and boring and I needed to stay awake while listening to KNBR. Oddly enough KNBR is available south of Palm Springs which is convenient because the only radio show I could find on the dial while outside of Indio involved an interview with the dude that wrote a book about Mark Roget. Side note; it turns out that Roget had a bitch of a case of OCD and his Thesaurus was the result of his excessive list making.

And secondly I am going to be a Dad soon, with the girl I am going to marry (there will be no Shawn Kemp styled shenanigans going down with Rosco). I recently learned about the fatherhood thing, like Thursday after work, and I am still in shock over it. I am really excited about being father. For the most part I have a had a really empty lifestyle, meaning that I have had to only worry about me and now I have a family.

More Naked Lohan News

The plot thickens as rumor float about that Lohan will partake in some full frontal nudity in her upcoming movie where it is rumored that she will play a nymphomaniac waitress.

Courtesy of Daily Mail:

Troubled Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is planning to appear naked in an low-budget film in an effort to revive her flailing career, it has been claimed.

The actress is said to have agreed to strip down for just £40,000 for the indie film Florence to prove herself as a "mature actress".

The 21-year-old, who previously played a pole dancer in the box-office flop I Know Who Killed Me, has reportedly agreed to "full frontal" nudity in her role as a nymphomaniac waitress in the drama.

An insider told The Sun: “Lindsay doesn't care she's getting paid peanuts. She wants to remind people she can act and that she is worth hiring.”

Another source added: “She is fully aware of the potential of her body. Lindsay wants to build up an image as a mature, responsible actress.”

The actress is no stranger to stripping down - she posed nude for New York magazine in March in a recreation of Marilyn Monroe's legendary 1962 shoot by Bert Stern.

Lindsay has previously spoken about her struggle to find quality acting roles following a difficult year which included yet another stint in rehab.

She said last month: "Right now I just want to find a great script, a great role.

"I was so used to working and working and working, and for a good few months there was nothing for me to do. Now I know what it's like to be an out-of-work actor, and how much it scares me."

The actress is also working a new album and she's hoping for big chart success.

In terms of sound, she says: "I want it to be kind of Kylie Minogue-meets-Rihanna. I hope to tour with it and I hope to really promote it."

-This YouTube clip is from "I Know Who Killed Me". It doesn't show the goods but it gives us an idea of what we all want to see.

Marilyn Monroe and Savannah

In my mind the unknown dude that bought this tape is handling it the right way, some things should never be seen so we can maintain a particular image in our mind's eye. Of course I never shy away from nude pics of Monroe but to watch her screw around is a different brand of beer. Oddly enough I can't watch any pornography that involves someone dead, this includes necrophilia and anyone who has passed on by the time I am watching their work. Like Savanah, who committed suicide over 10 years ago, it just seems creepy to watch her in any Vivid entertainment. The same thing happened when Anna Nicole Smith passed away; she went from pin up girl to corpse and I still find her attractive but not in an erotic kind of way. More along the lines of beauty as opposed to sexuality or eroticism. That and I accidentally stumbled upon an autopsy photo of her and it is burned into my psyche forever, which kind of rules out watching Anna Nicole Smith: Exposed.

Courtesy of the Celebrity Cafe:
Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape Will Be Kept Private 14-Apr-2008 Written by: Mallory Groff

A New York businessman has purchased a tape of Marilyn Monroe performing a sex act on an unknown man.

Not every celebrity sex tape is sold on the Internet anymore; some are kept in private collections. According to Reuters, a New York businessman recently purchased a tape of Marilyn Monroe performing a sex act with an unknown male. However, the unnamed businessman will not be releasing the sex tape to the public.

FBI director J. Edgar Hoover used the tape to try and prove that John F Kennedy not only had an affair with Monroe but also was the male in the video, which never shows the man’s face.

The FBI informant who gave a copy of the tape to the FBI refused to sell his copy to Joe DiMaggio for $25,000. The informant’s son, however, has sold his copy with the help of memorabilia collector Keya Morgan to the unnamed New York businessman. The only other known copy is in FBI files.

Morgan revealed that the businessman will not release the tape because he wants to protect Monroe’s privacy. Morgan said, “The gentleman who bought it said out of respect for Marilyn he's not going to make a joke of it and put it on the Internet and try to exploit her. That's not his intention and I would never get my name involved if that were to happen.”

The tape was sold for $1.5 million.

The Price Is Right For High Profile Hookers

While driving around the Bay Area with my girlfriend we got in a random conversation about the recent prostitution scandal involving the former New York governor. Per a news source that I forgot, the former governor paid $3,000 per encounter . (Actually it was $4,300 and this included travel and a $1,100 deposit towards future services.)

Anyhoo this seemed a bit steep, either my initial $3K assertion or the real $4.3K fee, because it stands to reason that you'll get an hour or two of pleasure with a good looking lady. My main thing is that Dupre is attractive but not so attractive to warrant such fees, at least according to Rosco Finger and his devilish hands.

This chatter about high priced hookers continued as we navigated Bay Area traffic congestion and I maintained I would only pay $3,000 for a romp if it involved someone famous, my list included Charlize Theron, Ashley Judd and Scarlett Johansson, just because I would have eternal bragging rights over my buddies. For all eternity I'd be the one guy amongst my friends that nailed a hot and famous chick, money spent be damned. Please keep in mind that $3000, based upon my prior job, works out to six weeks of work.

With that said I needed to know what I could get for my $3,000 in a brothel:

Chasey Lain: $1650 per hour
Keisha: $1600 per hour
Lisa Sparxxx $1600 per hour

For the most part most porn stars charge around $1600 per hour, so yeah I could twice (almost)bang for my buck.

Lohan Sex Tape???

Courtesy of SFGate.com

Irish model Calum Model has laughed off reports he stars in a sex tape with Lindsay Lohan.

The British tabloid The Sun reported the video had appeared on the Internet, after Best sent the clip to "close friends."

The footage emerged on Thursday, allegedly showing Lohan performing a sex act on Best, who she dated briefly in 2007.

But the 27-year-old's representative says, "Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not Calum in the tape."

Earlier version: Lindsay Lohan is at the center of a possible sex tape scandal after footage emerged allegedly showing the actress performing a sex act on Irish model Calum Best.

The 21-year-old dated the son of British soccer legend George Best last year, and, according to the British tabloid the Sun, the video was leaked on the Internet after Calum sent the clip to "close friends."

Representatives for both Lohan and Best have refused to confirm or deny the existence of the tape.

Either party has not confirmed or denied the existence of the tape. It's a moot point because you can't tell who is getting down but it is hardly surprising.

That Innocent Sex and the City Chick Might Be In Some Sex Photos

Krisitn Davis, the innocent brunette from Sex In The City, might be in a series of sex photos taken by an ex-boyfriend in 1992. Reps for Davis are denying that it is her in the pics and that there is no sex tape available. It seems that Davis forgot the simple rule of not taking pictures of yourself while doing something you may not want other people to see and also the edict of not letting an Ex have copies of the aforementioned photos. The word on the street is that the Ex sold them to a third party and then they appeared online.

In a prior post I discussed who may be inclined to partake in some celebrity nudity and/or sex tape shenanigans. Krisitn Davis was nowhere on the radar screen but in hindsight this little scandal actually benefits her career, whether or not it is her in the pics. Davis has the Sex In The City movie set to release and this could be an odd bit of marketing to garner some attention. That and it may be the means of Davis' character shedding her "good girl" demeanor.

Any which way it's unclear if it is Davis...

A day in the life of Rosco

I have been unemployed since February and my life has become a bit monotonous. This could be expected since I don't have hobbies and I also have no cash to splurge on the finer things in life, like Blockbuster or trips to the driving range. For the most part my day is "scheduled" as follows:

7:00 a.m. awake to the soothing sounds of my cell phone based alarm clock
7:30 a.m get up and find some coffee. I usually have two cups while catching up with the news online.
8:00 a.m. grab a shower
8:30 a.m. continue reading news (or crap) online whilst enjoying a bagel.
12:30 p.m. grab lunch. usually Burger King
1:30 p.m. continue reading online
2:30 p.m. play some PS2. Usually Madden or Grand Theft Auto
5:30 p.m. have dinner
6:30 p.m. play on Internet
9:30 p.m. get ready for bed while watching a movie. these days I am watching the first season of Lost

It was pretty eye opening and then depressing to right out my typical schedule.

Movie Fun: Never Back Down

For reasons beyond my control I spent Friday evening watching "Never Back Down". For the most part the movie was crap but that had to be expected. The coming of age flick is essentially a current retelling of the Karate Kid except the fighting style is MMA as opposed to karate and there is no evil Dojo with an even more malicious sensei.

Anyhoo the movie was so-so and I pretty much see it as one of those movies that you watch while either stoned or drunk. The Karate Kid trilogy falls under the same heading.

Random tangent: there seems to be sexual tension between the leading men in the movie. Maybe it was the ground and pound setting...

Random tangent: Amanda Heard is some nice eye candy

Lohan Naked and who else may partake in some celebrity nudity

Last month, February 18 to be exact, Lindsey Lohan finally granted all of our wishes (all of us being Lohan fans and connoisseurs of porn) and posed nude. She did a tribute to Marilyn Monroe for New York Magazine and definitely delivered the goods in a tasteful manner.

This isn't really surprising. Lohan's star was fading just a bit and she was more known as a party girl as opposed to an entertainer. The easiest way to draw attention, either good or bad, is something involving nudity and/or blackmarket home porno movie with jaded ex. Lohan went the conventional route, a road recently paved by Halle Berry in Swordfish and then Monster's Ball. I have no idea why I was mildly shocked by these nudie pics because Lohan's last flick involved a stripper pole and I have seen enough upskirt and nipple slip shots to fill a whole folder in my fantasy file. I figure if I wait long enough I will finally get a full on sexual romp or video camera shot porno from Lohan. I am being optimistic and my fingers are crossed.

Anyhoo, I foresee Britney Spears going down the same road as Lohan, and Berry before her, and show some more skin to parlay some positive PR. I realize nudity can be viewed as a desperate plea for attention but in light of Spears recent antics a porno would be a positive endeavor. My main concern is that Spears gets back into shape before unleashing any extra curricular activities.

It seems that success usually dictates an actress' desire to bare it all on celluloid, there are exceptions but I am too lazy to do any research on the subject. This is an unfortunate side effect for Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Love Hewitt fans. Well, I should clarify that a lot of Hewitt's lack of nudity is based on morals and personal choices but she has been fairly successful. Johansson on the other hand has no need to drum up attention to her career and can prance around fully clothed and the nearest thing we'll get is the intro to Lost In Translation to salivate a pent up public.

Am I bitter of Scarlett's lack of scantily clad roles? Oh , heck yeah and I am also hella irked by Hewitt's moral stance or whatever reason she has given for being fully clothed. I have always maintained that you need to use any talent you may have to its fullest extent and to me the aforementioned pair are wasting a facet of their talent. That's such a bummer to think about and the world is a worse place.

Snuff Film

As I mentioned before I have some odd morbid curiosity towards viewing death. Now keep in mind my voyeurism is really odd since I have only seen three corpses in my life and they all involved a funeral and I am a essentially a candy ass when blood is involved, so I have no idea where this viewing tendency came from.

Anyhoo I have no idea why I am mentioning any of this. If anything this statement makes me seem like a wack job. But I do find it curious that there is a genre titled "Snuff Film" and yet there is no recorded instance of an actual snuff film available.

I realize there are many instances of people dying on celluloid (can you use the term celluloid when most things are filmed digitally?) and I am actually surprised that some psycho hasn't produced one and distributed through YouTube.

Would I watch a snuff film? Probably, but I avoided the Daniel Pearl execution flick but I really went out my way to see the Saddam Hussein execution. Curious, curious...

Where Is Ashlyn Gere? I May Have Found Her...

I am an Ashlyn Gere fan and it is widely known that Ashlyn Gere has been out of the public eye for quite some time. Her website and most respected news outlets indicated that she was leaving Las Vegas and heading to Texas and a career in real estate. Her website stated she was moving to Texas in November 2004.

"She has been married to producer/director Marshall Patton (Layne Parker). Gere is now a real estate sales agent in Texas. She has a website, which hasn’t been updated since she moved from Las Vegas". - YesButNoButYes.com

Ashlyn performed mainstream roles under the name Kimberly Patton and was born Kimberly Ashlyn McKamy but a search of the Texas Real Estate Commission's web site doesn't list a Ashlyn Gere, Kimberly McKamy, or Kimberly McKamy as an active or licensed real estate professional. There is a Kimberly Jo Patton but all indications allude to that this is not Ashlyn Gere due to the license expiring in 2006 and the middle name of "Jo".

It seems that Ashlyn didn't pursue a career in real estate or hadn't passed the state exam (on a side note I have taken the prep class and practice exams to become a licensed real estate agent and it is very difficult) but a search of "Marshall and Kim Patton" turned up this little nugget. I can not substantiate that Ashlyn Gere and her husband run a Molly Maid that services Midland and Odessa, Texas but there are many indications that point in that direction.

Augustus Gloop: The Tax Man

Most evenings I fall asleep while watching a movie. Last night was no different as I drifted off while watching Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, the original one from 1971. On the DVD there is the standard 'making of' featurette and within this particular one they interviewed all the stars of the movie and I was intrigued by Augustus Gloop.

Michael Bollner played Gloop in the psychedelic kids movie and per the featurette he spoked barely any English (which is apparent in the movie because he says like 5 lines). What I found interesting about Gloop is the fact that he matured from the movie character into what I'd assume the adult version would look like. It's kinda freaky how art imitates life in this instance. Of course he doesn't seem to be some kind of food glutton in reality but is actually a Tax Man in his native Germany.

All in all I shouldn't be surprised that Gloop maintained the same style throughout his life and is now the adult version of a fictitious movie character because Veruca Salt seems to have evolved into an older version of her once bratty self. It's probably the lollipop that is creating the illusion of similarity or I am still buzzed from all the Vicodin, either way there she is.

Charlie Bucket (Pete Ostrum) emulated Bobby Brady and grew some facial hair to distance himself from his former role. Bobby Brady is the one in the mug shot and actually they look hella alike. creepy...

Hot water

I am quite irked; there is no hot water and because of this I can't take a shower. I'm a wuss and I need warmth when cleaning myself.

I'm a Sick Bastard

I am a sick bastard. I have spent the better part of the day reading Find A Death.com . FindADeath.com takes celebrities and gives brief biographical info and then goes into great detail about their demise. The great detail includes photos of their homes, grave sites, occasional autopsy and anything else. I feel really bad skimming the site but damn it is a guilty pleasure.

Also they have a link to The Death Clock. It seems I will kick the buck on October 22, 2036. Which gives me approximately 903,770 seconds left to live. With that type of insider info I believe it is time to look into life insurance and to take out many loans that come due on October 23, 2036. Shazam! NowI can finally get that Lamborghini Diablo I always wanted but I wonder if Bank of America will grant me a loan that doesn't come due for 28 years?

Porn Industry Possibilities

I have gotten nary a response from my various resumes and job applications. The money is running out and I am becoming desperate to make some cash. In all honesty I am a shameless man, or to put it another way , that will hopefully grant some insight into my personality, I am very comfortable with my body and my sexuality. I readily acknowledge that I am small dude, both in the pants and my overall general size, and it really doesn't bother me. But would I make porn to stay fiscally afloat? Yer f#cking A right I would. Actually I've always to work in the adult entertainment industry but I am a coward sometimes, hence I haven't.

And if I did go into the adult entertainment industry what types of work would I do? Well I like girls so I am definitely comfortable with MW, MWW but I couldn't be involved in some gangbang or double penetration type of endeavor. I don't have a particular age bracket or demographic, so I am open to all ladies as long they are cute.

Who is that masked man?

As I have indicated before I like the veil of anonymity that the Internet affords and I use it to mask who I really am but why did I use a hockey mask?

First off the mask is of Montreal Canadien goalie Ken Dryden. Dryden dominated the dojo from 1971-79 and then settled into a career as lawyer which evolved into his current position as a member of Parliament in Canada.



As the video indicates Dryden is pretty badass and I dig the style of his mask. Also the only other pics of goalie masks involved Michael Myers.

Day 28: Where is my bong?

The reason I went back to college and ended up graduating is that I was sick of working retail and making no coin. Upon graduation I made a vow to never jockey a cash register again but desperate times call for desperate actions and now I applying for retail gigs. At least they're management positions, so I have moved up in the world and that $80,000 was a wise investment.

At this point I feel like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty; sick of the establishment,making a comeback and trying to find true happiness. Spacey was happiest smoking weed and flipping burgers. Me? Well, I prefer smoking weed and working in retail environments where there are no customers. Unfortunately I gave up herb when I went to college (which is very bizarre) and I threw away my bong.

Day 27: Moral Is Dropping and Doom Is Pending

As I said in my intro I am very unemployed. To a certain degree this was initially cool. I had time to read and generally f%ck around but the sad truth is that I am running out of money and I am hella bored.

There is a bit of a paradox to life in northern California: it is a wealthy area (housing prices indicate that, I guess?) but it has a crappy economy and job market. Like me, for example, I am a college grad with a BA in irrelevancy and some work experience and I can get another job after being fired from the one that I got (which took an estimated 100 resumes being shipped across cyberspace via hotjobs and monster). Essentially, I feel like I wasted four years in college, on top of the various community college semesters I attended to transfer, and that I am some sort of leper that no one wants to hire. In many ways I feel like that awkward high school student that no one talks to and you wouldn't be surprised if he or she went on some sort of crime spree after graduation (kinda like Carrie) Of course I am being a bit melodramatic when I compare myself to a sociopath teenager but none the less my moral is low and I only leave my room to do a few minimal things.



But I must digress on the overall negative tone of this post and begin to focus on the positive aspects of what I have accomplished since being terminated (or discharged, which is a term I will refrain from using since it brings up connotations of bodily fluid). I am at day 27 of my sabbatical and I have done a few things:

• I watched all six Star Wars movies. I almost watched them in a linear manner but I absolutely hate Episode One: The Phantom Menace so I ended up watching it last. In hindsight that wasn't the smartest thing I've done because it made any notions of continuity irrelevant. Not that continuity or linear progress is the strong suit of Star Wars, I mean they were released as trilogies in the wrong order. I believe my main beef with the Phantom Menace is that George Lucas tried to hard to appeal to all audiences and alienated me (and my 18-40 male counterparts) by gearing a lot of the flick to the kids while also trying to satisfy those that were raised by the trilogy. You can't please everyone and in the process Lucas made a crappy movie. I hadn't watched it since I was in college (about 4 years ago or so) and the movie is still garbage. I figured my post graduate sobriety could give me a different perception but it actually made my recent viewing worse. I have no beef with the next two in the series, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith are both entertaining and are occasionally re-watchable. My only beef with the aforementioned pair is the acting of Hayden Christensen. Everything seems forced and he comes across as robotic in his performance. That and his mildly lazy eye doesn't help.

• I caught up on my reading, sort of. I had the chance to renew my library card and grab a few books. Next Man Up by John Feinstein, which is another chapter of the HBO show Hard Knock and documents a season with the Baltimore Ravens. The book was interesting and as a football fan it did shine some light into the behind the scenes aspect of the NFL but it did raise the question of why a bunch of famous football players would let an overweight, Duke graduate follow them around for a year? I mean, I have no doubt that Feinstein is a nice enough fella and isn't a pushy and annoying journalist but one must wonder if the Ravens were annoyed by his perpetual presence and the simple fact that he is an outsider?

Actually after 27 days I have accomplished nothing and apparently keeping a digital diary is not an accomplishment either.

First Off

I guess introductions are in some kind of order, I was raised with manners and hopefully they transfer to this digital endeavor. Anyhoo I am Rosco, it's a lame alias but I always dug the Dukes of Hazard but I loathe cops, this is a bit of a conflict.
I am setting this blog up because I often feel the need to vent but rather then be perceived as a head case to my friends and family I will attempt to be anonymous and therefore (I hope) I can get into the deepest bits of my ID.

Whether or not this happens, well that remains to be seen but at the very least I feel mildly productive as I deal with another day of unemployment.